Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
