I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
