I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
