Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
