Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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