i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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