i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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