So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
