If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
