At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
