I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
