Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
