the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
