I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
