I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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