So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
