Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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