you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
