i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
