I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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