If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
