"it" just moved
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
