She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
