So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
