Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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