Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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