She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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