I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
