9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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