Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Operation Purity has been aborted
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
