What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
