we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
