Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
