I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize