Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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