do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
