I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
