So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
