I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
