I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
