Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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