just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
