im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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