I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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