I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
