If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
