I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
