how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just high enough for therapy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
