I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you had me at cake vodka
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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