Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
