I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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