I want to have your abortion
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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